Irritant
'Incorrect' or 'unusual'
Warnings are hurled at you if you dare to get near a British train station. ‘Mind the Gap’, heard on the London Underground stations, has even become a beloved phrase and can frequently be found on T-shirts. The warning is justified. Indeed, in the curvy stations, one has to be watch out when getting on and off. During my years in England, I have seen five people break their legs this way.
Other remarks are more irritating. As soon as there is a chance of rain, and there is nearly always one, you are bombarded with messages that platforms might be slippery. If there is a chance of snow, this warning is repeated almost every minute. For the record, according to the meteorologists at the national railways, there is a chance of snow as soon as a dark cloud is visible anywhere over the island. However, it practically never snows, at least not in the South of England.
A poll from a few years ago showed that the British found the slogan ‘See it, Say it, Sorted’ is the most annoying in the country. It’s relatively new. I still remember when I heard it for the first time. It begins with the phrase: “If you see something that doesn’t look right,” followed by this call to report it. The authorities on duty would then ensure that everything was put right.
On every train journey, you would hear this announcement a few times, and every time I couldn’t help looking around to see if something wasn’t right. If I sat next to someone doing a crossword puzzle, I watched searchingly to see if a mistake was being made. I thought that the woman on the other side of the aisle didn’t match the shoes she was wearing. That older man a little further away looked so serious; there must be something wrong with him. I briefly considered reporting this, but never did.
Recently, the slogan has been modified. Now, you are no longer called upon to be vigilant for something that is ‘not right,’ but for things that are ‘unusual.’ It means that I suddenly see a whole different range of remarkable things on the train. A mistake in a puzzle is certainly not unusual, any more than deeply furrowed brows and ill-fitting shoes. These are – according to expert Joost – the rule rather than the exception.
Suddenly I see very different things that I consider to be unusual, and will give a few examples. Last night, I considered this unusual: a teenager with blue nails was conversing, quite normally, with a woman with blue hair; there was a trash can with room for some more rubbish; there was a train that was on time. The list of unusual things soon turned out to be much longer than the ones I had previously labeled as ‘not right’. Still, I decided, probably wisely, not to report these either.
The railways, or rather the Ministry of Transport, are however very pleased with the campaign. Before the slogans started in 2015, the emergency number – ‘61016’, I know that one by heart too – was called 30,000 times a year. Since then, that has risen to over 250,000 reports per year. The only thing I wonder is how many of these reports have to do with trains being on time or empty trash cans.
One day, if I don’t see anything remarkable, I intend calling the emergency number with this question. (It could be something from a Monty Python sketch.)
…
I would like to report that I have seen nothing unusual today.
“But why are you reporting that?”
Well, it is very unusual that I don’t see anything unusual.
“But does this worry you?”
“Of course.”
I am afraid there is nothing we can do about this.
“Ah, what a relief.”
“What do you mean it’s a relief?”
“Well, it is unusual that you do not solve something that someone thinks is unusual. See it, Say it, Sorted,” you say, you know. So there is something unusual going on after all. I guess there is no reason for me to worry that nothing unusual is going on.”
Ah, indeed. Glad to have been of service.